All that being said I have to admit that I am incredibly nervous. This may come as a surprise to many of you, but I have never been on a missions trip. I know many of you who support me and read this are quite the short-term missionary veterans, but I would be lying if I told you this full-time missionary isn't scared out of his whits. I will be walking into an environment that I am completely unfamiliar with and will be serving a people who's language I don't speak. The past few weeks thoughts of exotic insects, no running water, the potential of another earthquake, in a culture I don't understand has been plaguing my mind. I've also been asking myself what kind of difference could I possibly make. Working in missions I understand the amount of time we have to invest in individuals to gain their trust. With all these concerns circulating in my head my nerves are not in the best of shape.
Working with the Relief Bus however has taught me one very important lesson: just roll with it. Every time I lead a team into NYC or Newark I always remind them that all we do is sow seeds. I tell them that if they came to serve with an agenda, however noble that agenda may be, they should pack up and go home. It's not our job to save anyone, only God through Christ can do that. It's our job merely to sow seeds of hope, love, and grace. I find it ironic that the same sermon I've preached to literally hundreds of volunteers over the past two years is the same one I need now more than ever. Despite all my concerns I am trying to make an intentional effort to let go of my "agendas" and "doubts" and let God do something. The disciples spoke multiple languages during Pentecost, perhaps we will see the same miracle! But despite whatever happens I know God will show up if we merely keep sowing seeds, whatever that may look like.
To be completely honest I feel as if I'm writing this more for myself than for those who are reading this. But I wanted to share with all of you what is going on in my heart as we prepare for this trip. Please pray for our team and myself specifically. Pray that God will reveal Himself to me in a way that I've never experienced. Pray that He teaches me something that I can bring back to my mission here. Pray for my fiance as we will be unable to contact each other during this week. And pray for our safety. As I alluded to earlier the infrastructure is far from recovered and with that comes a host of other dangers. And a special thank you for those of you who made this trip possible! I can't wait to share next month what God is doing in Haiti!
Grace and Peace to You All...