I Need Thee Every Hour...

"I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.
I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;
Temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
O I need Thee every hour;
I need you Lord, O bless me now,

My Savior, I come to Thee."

        This is the first verse of an old hymn written by Annie Hawks entitled "I Need Thee Every Hour."  It's one that I remember listening to in the pews of the Baptist church I grew up in.  Although I've known its lyrics since before I was ten, its truth has become increasingly more powerful in my life the older I get.  Every time I hear it playing however I am reminded of my good friend Alice in the South Bronx.

        When I first took over the spot in the South Bronx I was told of our friend who would come every week to sit down in our office and rest for a few minutes.  Other than the fact that she was completely blind I knew nothing else.  For the next few months I would always attempt to set aside a few minutes in the midst of our busyness to sit down and talk with her.  Over time as we learned to trust each other I began to see a woman who is more dependent on Christ's strength than almost anyone I've ever met.

        Alice was not born blind, due to an illness that struck her a few years ago she was left with no vision.  She now has to be guided by an aid everywhere she goes. Along with her vision, her husband left shortly after that.  Although she has three grown children, every week in tears she asks me to pray for them that God would keep them safe in the midst of their "activities" and that they turn to God instead of their own pleasures.  And about two months ago Alice was informed of her need for back surgery due to severe scoliosis.

        Despite all that has been stacked against her the joy and innocence beaming from this tiny woman is astounding.  She still remains faithful to her husband (despite their separation she still wears her ring and refuses to divorce), to her children, and to her God.  Every week I pray for sight and every week I pray also for a miracle with her back, but the real miracle has already manifested: her smile and her strength.  Just the other week as I was having a bad day, in the midst of our discussion she asked me what was wrong.  She had sensed in my voice that all was not well.  I thank God for this friend of mine who I have the honor and privilege to serve every week through simple friendship.

        Please pray for Alice as she makes preparations for back surgery, pray for her children and husband,  pray that God continue to give her the strength to be the rock in her family, and please pray for sight...  Grace & Peace to you and your family....  

Alice & I...

Jesus in the Middle...

        Over the past few days we've all heard about the "Occupy Wall Street" protest taking place in lower Manhattan.  I tend to not pay much attention to the news, but was intrigued at how it seems to be gaining more and more momentum around the country, so I decided to go and take a look for myself.  Riding into the city I wondered where God was in the midst of all this, the protest, the financial district, the ministry, my family, the train I was in.  I asked God to reveal Himself to me that afternoon.  As soon as I stepped out from the World Trade Center I started to hear the drum circles and music playing.  I walked a few blocks south to Zuccotti Park (where the protesters are staying) and just watched as people from all ages united themselves.  I could feel the excitement in the air.  There were news cameras, posters, community activists, pollsters, business men, homeless men, flag wavers, drum circles, old men, children, musicians, face painters, artists, and every type of character you could imagine.  Although I'm still not quite certain what the exact message was, a running theme amongst all the participants was taking a stand against corporate greed and corruption.  I have to admit that even I had a difficult time not getting swept away in the emotion!  Who isn't against greed?  Who isn't for helping the poor?  Wasn't Jesus into that as well?  However before getting my face painted and waving a sign I continued on my mission to find Jesus in the midst of the chaos.
        I decided to keep walking just a few blocks south and take a stroll along the supposed "enemy's corridor": Wall Street.  It was actually surprisingly quiet.  Aside from an over abundance of police, a handful of tourist groups, as well as the usual men and women one would expect to find strolling Wall Street, it was rather empty.  After walking around and marveling at the overwhelming architecture I decided to buy some lunch from one of the street vendors and sit for a few minutes.  As I sat down to eat I observed an elderly Asian woman pushing a cart filled with cans and bottles.  I guessed she was in her late sixties, probably illegal, hunched over, wearing tattered clothes, and very dirty.  She was moving from trash can to trash can gleaning what she could.  As I kept eating my lunch I was struck at the awkwardness of how this woman (unknowingly most likely) was collecting plastic bottles in the between an emerging and established history.
        Thankfully a few minutes later I came back to my senses from my egocentric musing and realized that Jesus Himself had just walked right past me and I didn't even bother saying hello! Due to her age and cargo thankfully she had not gone very far.  As she hunched over to the next trash can I tapped her on the shoulder and asked her if she wanted something to eat.  She showed me that she had just pulled something out of the trash can indicating that this was her food.  I asked her if she wanted me to buy her something, which she responded to by muttering something in a language I didn't understand and walked off.  Realizing there wasn't much else I could do I walked backed to the protest.
        The protest didn't hold the excitement it had just a couple of hours before.  I couldn't help but reflect on the words Jesus said to Pilot in the Gospel of John, "My kingdom is not of this world."  I don't understand why there are social injustices, or homelessness, or prostitution.  Greed I suppose.  My own as well as others.  Perhaps the protesters have some truth in their message, perhaps they don't.  Regardless the more I work on the street, the more I'm beginning to realize that anything and everything without Christ at the center will eventually fail.  We can attempt to build a financial kingdom or a socialist commune, but until we see Jesus quietly walking between both worlds, both will come to nothing.  I'm not sure if any of this makes any sense, but I do know I saw Jesus that afternoon taking a stroll between a dying economic empire and unsustainable social change .  Although I can't say that I saved His life, I hope I gave that elderly woman some dignity.  If you look I'm sure you'll find Him too.  Grace & Peace to you and your families! And don't forget to keep praying for us here at the Relief Bus!!

The Protest.

The Elderly Asian Woman Gleaning from the Trash.

Childlike Faith...

"The people brought children to Jesus, hoping he might touch them.  The disciples shooed them off. But Jesus was irate and let them know it: 'Don't push these children away.  Don't ever get between them and me.  These children are at the very center of life in the kingdom.  Mark this: Unless you accept God's kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you'll never get in.'  Then gathering the children up in his arms, he laid his hands of blessing on them."

Mark 10:13-16 (The Message)

         I was reminded of this verse a few days ago while serving on the streets of mid-town Manhattan.  On Wednesdays I am assigned to lead the outreach at Chelsea Park, at the intersection of 28th Street and 9th Ave.  Without a doubt this is a tough site.  The primary makeup of the site is homeless men.  It is a transient community that lives for one thing: survival.  I often say that if someone isn't mentally unstable before they become homeless give it a year and they will be.  The drug of choice for most of these men is "hopelessness" (but often times medicated with alcohol).  Without hope comes little desire for change.  These are men (and some women) who have been dealt some very bad hands for years and have become hardened to the core because of it.  My main function at this site is not to get people into shelters or rehabs, but to give these men and women something to smile about and something to hope for. It's not a place one would normally expect to see a childlike faith, but sometimes I find myself humbled in the oddest of places.  As a Christian I think way too much.  I dwell on things I shouldn't and often ignore the simple things right in front of me.  This past Wednesday I was reminded of a faith that I aspire to possess.

        I became friends with a woman named Ruth almost immediately after I started serving at Chelsea Park.  She is an elderly woman who has very little.  Every week she comes to me for her prayer.  And every week I pray that she would realize her value in God's eyes.  About a month ago I prayed that God would give her something to smile about.  The very next day she came across a hamster that she had found.  Immediately she took it home and adopted it as her own.  God had answered our prayer.  She came to me the next week wearing a big smile and excitedly told me about God's gift to her.

       Now if you are anything like myself something this small is often easily dismissed, as well as theologically and logistically explained.  But the Kingdom is not made up of people who dismiss the simple things in life.  Nor can it be theologically articulated by the great minds of this world.  The Kingdom, this childlike faith, travels outside of anything this world can offer.  

       As I was praying with Ruth this past Wednesday I prayed also for her hamster.  A miracle easily missed by all, except those who possess that childlike faith... Like Ruth...   

Ruth and I praying.

   

              

Looking Forward... Looking Upward...

        For those of you that read my blog you know that I mainly tell stories.  I'm going to stray away from that this time and share a little bit of what God has been doing in my heart over the summer.
        For as rewarding and exciting as it is to be an urban missionary is, it does take a toll on one's spirit.  Often times when people ask me to describe my work I say it is a mixture of social work and street pastoring.  Although this is true there needs to be a balance between the two in order for us to successfully minister to those in need.  I have found this balance to be incredibly difficult the past few months.
        The men and women that we see everyday are truly the lowest tier of society.  They are men and women who are "unemployable", who know the "system" better than anyone, they've been in and out of every program out there, their families have given up on them, our churches have given up on them, and often times they've given up on themselves.  And in this state of being strung out on drugs, sex, ignorance, violence, anger, and hopelessness we roll in, week after week, month after month.  This summer has been tremendously hard on my soul.  I've seen women beaten by their pimps, men overdosing on the street, families living in warehouses, violence plague communities, and men and women who continually choose a lie over the truth, death over hope.  Subconsciously I have been asking myself where Christ was in all of this.  In the midst of all this questioning, the balance between social worker and street pastor became skewed.  I began to rationalize in my head the suffering I see.  And in my simple minded logic I began to lose hope.  I never questioned Christ's presence in all this suffering, but in an attempt to rediscover hope I started to cling onto the social work aspect of what we do.  I dusted off my old books and magazines about how we could build a better world (all in the name of Christ of course).  But in this endeavor I still found no hope.  We can build nicer looking neighborhoods, but the drugs don't leave.  We can refer people to shelters, but the internal homelessness remains.  We can create rent controlled apartments, but the shootings continue.  Through all this wrestling I finally came to the realization of one thing: this world is broken and the world's answers and solutions are even more broken.  Which of course made me more depressed because I wanted so baldy for these systems to work.  But without the redemptive power of the cross of Christ social justice is a sham.
        I wish that I could share with all of you some divine answer to all of Newark's problems, but I don't have one.  I do know Jesus though.  And in the midst of my depression and search for hope He was there waiting for me.  And although I still see the same hopelessness every week, I still manage to cling to Him.  Without Him we are nothing.  Without an eternal reconciliation of one's soul to Christ they will bounce from program to program their entire lives.  But its okay.  As I stated in a previous blog post its a simple journey from a -17 to a -16.  One day we'll reach that perfect ten.  And Christ will be there waiting for us with a big smile when we do.  But for now we walk and somehow He walks with us too, all the way to the end.  He has not abandoned us although at times it may seem like it.  He just shows up in ways that we never expect.
       There is a song by John Mark McMillan that I believe describes Christ's presence in our mess.  I want to share it with you.  For those of you who have read this I thank you.  I'm not even sure if it makes sense, but in a nutshell this is my heart.  Pray for us.  Grace & Peace....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8X8-mAlaVcA

Walking the Journey...

     Throughout bible colleges, churches, Christian literature, conferences, and anything else that makes up post-modern Christendom people are asking the question, "how are we to do church?".  A popular theme amongst these conversations is a return to the model of the first church (Acts 2).  Although I do agree to some extent with this consensus part of me wonders whether or not we're missing the point by striving after a model rather than the Master.  When we strive after a model, our natural inclination is to trim off the "unneeded fat" that slows down our agendas.  But if we merely seek nothing but the Master our striving, our goals, and our agendas tend to fall by the wayside and we are free to simply spend time with Him and His beloved creation.  But enough theology, let me share about my good friend Fatima!
     I met Fatima around seven months ago on the streets of Newark in the bitter cold.  At that time she was sleeping behind a gas station in Newark's South Ward.  My heart broke as she told me of her addiction to heroin, her need to "sell" herself, and her perpetual homelessness in one of the worst winters of the decade.  To make matters worse the social services for women in Newark is not a thriving market.  Immediately I started to think of things we could do to get her off the streets.  Although Fatima seemed interested, the follow-up process was/has not been so smooth.  Every week she would express her desire to be off the streets.  And to no avail I would tell her the same things every week.  After a few months it became apparent that we weren't getting anywhere.  It was at that moment where I consciously laid down my agenda to "save" Fatima and simply be her friend.  A couple of months later as I was setting up for our regular outreach Fatima came and gave me the biggest hug.  Surprised by her joy, I asked her what had happened that she was so happy that night.  She replied that she was just thankful to see her friend.
     Since that time Fatima has been in and out of jail, on and off of drugs, and sporadically homeless.  About a month ago she disappeared and I began to worry that she might have died.  But two weeks ago as I was driving through Newark I looked down an alley and thought I saw her.  I drove around the corner and there was my friend again.
     At the end of the day Fatima does not fit into any church model.  Any agenda or goal we may have had for her has failed.  But does it really matter?  Because at the end of the day there are no "services" that will save Fatima.  What she needs is dignity.  What she needs is a friend to walk the journey with her.  What she needs is the Master.  Going back, my gut instinct tells me the "first church model" just isn't going to do it this time.  So for now I continue walking with her.  I ask any who have taken the time to read this, who do you need to stop "saving" and simply start walking with?   

Baptism Video...

Please take a few minutes and cry with me as I watch this again!  An amazing video of what God is doing in Newark!! Grace & Peace...

http://vimeo.com/25521343

Organic Growth: Part Two...

Although my time as a missionary has been short, the events that took place this past Friday night will remain in my heart for years to come.  As I discussed it my last posting, a team of us have been targeting a very specific group of children in a very specific neighborhood in Newark, and the work we've witnessed God doing in their lives has been miraculous.  In the midst of the violence, drugs, prostitution, and poverty we are seeing light piercing the darkness.  We are seeing kids come to Christ!  A couple of months ago during their weekly Bible study the topic of baptism came up.  Some of the kids wondered out loud whether something like this was actually possible.  That's when the idea was formed.  Why not bring baptism to them?  This past Friday night we had the honor and privilege of baptizing ten children and one of our volunteers!  The Spirit's presence in the air that night was electrifying!  Witnessing the baptism of these children, some of whom we've worked with for years, was truly an amazing experience.  As Tyree (the first to be baptized) came up out of the water I felt tears of joy rushing to my eyes.  As a "seed-planting" missionary it gave my heart joy to see with my own eyes the actual harvest!  Please continue to pray for these children.  And please pray for the city of Newark and the work we do that neighborhood.   The Relief Bus has essentially evolved into the actual resource for these children,  it has turned into the church this community so desperately needs.  The Master is on the move in this city, there is no denying that.

Grace & Peace...

Lance

Pastor Paul Yushack prepping the kids.

Tyree leading the way.